Give Me Jesus

Back in the late 90's, I had the privilege of worshiping in my home-church choir.  During that time, we sang a negro spiritual, "Give Me Jesus."  In 2006, Jeremy Camp popularized his version of this song in Contemporary Christian culture.  Today, we sang that song in church, and overwhelmed with emotion, I cried.  Truly, that song brought back memories.

I joined the church choir as an enthusiastic teen, and during that time, much learning took place.  The group worked diligently, sang most Sundays, and was really a dynamic place to grow spiritually as well as musically.  We sang "Give Me Jesus" during a couple of services, but later, we committed the song to memory for a choir tour.  At that time, I thought the song was simple yet profound.  We performed it several times, and I do not recall having an excessively emotional response; it was just one of the songs.

About six months after our choir tour, life rolled along at the usually busy pace.  I was a sophomore in college at the time, just wrapping up exams from another semester.  Feeling a bit unusual, I plodded forward with normal activities.  A few days later, God shook my small world to the core as my appendix ruptured.

Sparing many of the physical details, I was extremely ill.  After surgery and bouncing in-and-out of the hospital, I went back into the ER on Christmas Eve.  My body was fighting a massive infection, and things seemed to be out of control.  Infection is serious, and statistically, things were not looking good for me.  I don't recall how much my parents came and went during that time, but I distinctly remember being alone for a portion of the next day.

Due to the seriousness of my spreading infection, the doctor scheduled a cat-scan for early Christmas morning.  My parents were not allowed in the room during a cat-scan.  I was alone, except for God, so he and I had a discussion.  In my own humanity, I tried to convince God that a healing (and me singing in the choir on Christmas morning) would glorify him much more than me having a cat-scan or being in the hospital.  While laying on a cold, hard table, awaiting a cold, emotionless machine to begin moving (and still desperately trying to sway God's plan), the song "Give Me Jesus" began to softly commence in my mind.  For the first time, the lyrics penetrated deep into my soul.

In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus.

When I am alone, give me Jesus.

When I want to sing, give me Jesus.

When I come to die, give me Jesus.

It was certainly morning, I was alone, and I wanted to sing.  The realization of all that God was asking me came to the forefront of my mind.  I asked God if I was going to die.  The only thoughts that came to my mind was God saying, "Do you trust me?"

At one point, my parents were told that I might have a 15% chance of living through the entire ordeal.  "Give Me Jesus" came to mind several times over the course of the next six weeks in the hospital.  God taught me about his grace and how my works were simply not enough to enter Heaven.  I never want to forsake my time in the hospital and the truths God allowed me to experience there.

Well, God allowed me to continue here on earth.  When Jeremy Camp released "Give Me Jesus" on a CD, the song rose in popularity while my memories re-surged from the days of learning in the hospital.

In the end, we are all appointed to die once.  We will either die to our selfishness and have Jesus, or we will suffer the eternal loss of separation from God.

When I come to die, give me Jesus.