A Letter to My Son

Oringinally drafted in April of 2018

In the light of recent events, I would like to tell my son certain things.  Unfortunately, he is not communicating with us very much.  Interaction looks sparse, the truth waxes and wanes, and conveying intentions is a near impossibility.  If given the opportunity, here is what I would say:

Dear Son,

During the summer after I graduated college, I took a job as a Nanny, working with two children.  We will call them Jake and Hailey, and they were adopted, just like you.  Jake was twelve years old while Hailey was only ten.  Most of the time, children that age are simply left home alone during the day, but these two needed supervision.  They had been newly adopted and were still learning about their new family's expectations.  Jake had some angry tendencies, so naturally, his parents were concerned and wanted a nanny to care for both children.

Upon taking the job, I soon learned how Jake's angry fits looked.  He would yell, use certain choice language, throw things, slam doors, and do various other things. Hailey was no angel either.  We had a lot of fun that summer, but many trying times existed as well.  One of the greatest parts of the summer was that God was teaching me; He was teaching me about you.

I didn't realize it at the time, but God grew me in some amazing ways.  He was preparing the way for me to work with you and all the other children who would frequent our home before and after your adoption.  As dad and I waded through adoption classes and foster care training, I saw Jake and Hailey's parents.  They were absolutely thrilled that your dad and I were pursuing foster care and adoption, just like they had.  We would swap stories about the various children and how things were going.  For a long time, Jake and Hailey were doing really well.

The last time I saw Jake's mom, she told me that Jake had left.  I don't remember all of the details, but Jake had just abandoned his adoptive family, not communicating with them.  Sadness filled my heart while listening to the story.  Jake had left.  Jake's sister could not understand why he would abandon his adoptive parents.  This did not make any sense because his parents loved him and were extremely concerned for his welfare and safety.  Little did I realize back then, but God was mercifully preparing me for you.

I was saddened that you chose to leave our home.  Your father and I were deeply grieved that you suddenly broke relationship with us and our family.  I really don't understand, and I'm not sure that I ever will.

Then the tears came.  I found your book.  Slowly, I began to find reminders of you scattered all over the house.  The worst of all was when I found a wood chip in your room, and on it you had written "Don't cry!"  Were you writing that to yourself to supress your emotions?  Did you leave that for me, hoping I would find it after you left?  Indeed, I cried...and cried...and cried.

Truly, the only things that Dad and I really want is for you to follow Jesus with all of your heart and honestly be family with us.  Maybe some day that can happen.  Until then, know that Dad and I pray for you daily. We love you.

-Mom