Court

I haven’t blogged since March of 2011.  I suppose our family has been a bit busy since a 1 ½ year old joined our ranks in April of 2011 in foster care.  Well, he’s 2 ½ years old now, and our lives have changed forever.

Jay is not really his name, but it works for now.  There is supposed to be a certain anonymity in foster care.  He’s a smart and busy little boy, who enjoys learning and discovering constantly, but he is also very strong-willed.  My husband, Jeff, and I find God to be very humorous regarding this because even though we’ve never birthed biological children, we two hard-heads now care for three smart, stubborn and equaling determined children who match our personalities.

Through the past year, God has taught us many things about being parents.  Specifically, how our response to Him is often reflective of our children’s response to us.  Our experiences vastly outweigh that of our children.  We warn them of potential hazards along the way or exhort them to more efficient means of accomplishing a task or the like, and sometimes they simply will not listen to us.  God’s omniscience knows no bound, and yet we, as adults, try to pretend like our finite minds can possibly develop the best solution to our problems.  God realizes the difference between our knowledge and His, but He has great patience with us all the while.

That being written, Jeff and I have worked very hard to be the best parents possible.  We’ve learned about grace and mercy while still having high expectations of the children.  As adoptive and foster parents, we have some crazy issues with which to deal that many families do not.  In this age of divorce, more people must ride the ups and downs on the roller coaster of life with varying family expectations.  However, our children each have two birth parents with independent lives and their habits.  Our older two adopted children have less and less problems as old recollections grow overshadowed by newer experiences and memories.  Jay still visits with his birth parents, so each week we tend to go through a decompression period where he relearns the boundaries of our home after these visits.  This is quite difficult.

That led us to Thursday, May 24.  A court trial was scheduled to take place, and supposedly Jay’s biological parental rights were to be taken away, meaning that he would no longer see them.  That did NOT happen due to a “legal technicality.”  I’m going to make a brief attempt to define a “legal technicality” as a well intentioned law in which the stated intent actually occurred, but the legislative minutia of how to carry out the law in question did not happen.  The trial was adjourned until approximately six weeks.  The judge ordered that visits will continue as normal because he sees no harm in allowing them to continue.

I will pause my own thought flow here because I could develop at least a two page typed and bulleted list of reasons why the previous sentence is not true, but the intent of this blog is not to complain, even though my own sinful nature would like to readily head down that road.

Back to the judge, he said he saw no harm in continuing visits.  I cried.  I have always despised crying, especially when others are present.  Jeff reached over and held my hand as he knew we could never possibly agree with the judge’s words.  I’m not sure the judge even agreed with his own judgments as previously he has shaken his head in the “no” direction while speaking “yes” words.  The most peculiar aspect of this moment was that the judge actually looked at me.

As our practice has been, Jeff and I sat in the back of the court room.  The hearings have been about Jay, not about us.  We have received the customary acknowledgement of our presence at court, and that Jay’s placement has met his needs.  That has been the only moment the judge ever looked in our direction, until May 24.

I attempted to stifle my emotions.  Personally, I like to get angry instead of sad.  Anger is a much safer emotional state because I look less vulnerable; however, sadness is probably more helpful for the soul.  (I wrote “probably” because I’m still trying to convince myself.)  It would be really easy to get “mad” at all of the proceedings, but there is little fruit in that.  The judge continued looking at me while the hearing proceeded.  Finally, I quit trying to hold back my tears, and the ebon-flow kept coming.  The judge does not entirely realize what happens when Jay has visits, nor his behaviors afterward.

Skipping ahead, Jeff and I sat stunned and silent at a local restaurant, sipping iced tea and thinking.  We updated a few people via e-mail and phone calls about the results of the non-trial.  Eventually, we started talking and our conclusion was as follows:

God is still good.  His character has not changed because we do not understand our circumstances.  He still has our families’ best interest in mind.  Romans 8:28 says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  Furthermore, we must return praise for a decision we do not agree with nor understand.  Proverbs 3:5-8 also states:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes;
    fear the Lord and shun evil.
This will bring health to your body
    and nourishment to your bones.”

Finally, this verse came to mind:

Psalm 13: 5 & 6  “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.”

I could continue to quote all sorts of passages from God’s Word to us about Himself, but the point is that He does know and care about our circumstances.  The only difference is that He sees the entire story of our lives (and others, for that matter), and He is working for our betterment.

 Some of the positive things we gleaned from our day:

ü      God is still on his throne as the ruler of the world.

ü      God’s character has not changed.

ü      God still loves Jay and us incredibly.

ü      God has helped Jeff and I with much more self-restraint than previously in our lives.

ü      We have some wonderful friends and family who offered to watch all of the children so we could attend to the court proceedings.

ü      The judge will allow us to take Jay out-of-state on vacation.

ü      I was finally able to ride the motorcycle Jeff has had for a year now as we took it to court.

ü      We had some brief adult alone time.

ü      I was able to see the entire sunrise this morning because I was awake writing this blog.