The Tin Man

The Wizard of Oz is quite the spectacle-much of the glitz and magic of Hollywood condensed to a relatively short book or a two hour movie.  The characters are well-known, and from them comes the Tin Man.  He was made by a tinsmith without a heart.

Some days, I feel like I live with the Tin Man, the heartless one.  My husband and I have adopted three wonderful children, who all have their various attachment issues. Jay, our youngest, especially struggles.  Many people question how our sweet four-year-old could possibly have issues since he came to live with us when he was 18 months old.  The truth of the matter is that the damage was quite well-done before he came to live with us.  Babies interact a bunch with people when they are born, and they learn very quickly.  Jay learned to barricade his heart and mind from the negative pieces of his past, and that affects his relationships with us, his adoptive family.

Jay, my little Tin Man.

Today, I saw progress.

I took my children to visit my brother and his family.  Part of this trip included a special time of me shopping with my niece.  After some time, we came back to the house to take more family members shopping.  I made an extra effort to find Jay, give him a hug, and tell him that I was leaving again.  My little four-year-old looked at me, gave me a limp hug, and shouted, "HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE ME HERE??? FOREVER???"

I wanted to cry.  He still feels alone.  He still doesn't trust.  He still thinks that one day I will abandon him.  I took his hands in mine and explained that I would come back at dinner time.  He said, "Oh," but I'm not sure he believed me.

We left.  We returned with pizza, and all the children ate at the kitchen table.  Since there was no more room, the adults sat on a couch around the corner.  Jay came wandering onto the nice carpet, hap-hazardly holding his pizza and plopped down on the couch next to me.  My sister-in-law told Jay to return to the table.  He started telling me about his day, which is unusual.  After a moment, I reminded him that he needed to go eat at the table.  He began to walk away, when I asked him, "Did you just miss Mommy today?"  He looked at me with a snide look on his face and began to shake his head "no"...but then he stopped.  Slowly, the snooty face faded into a sheepish grin, and he nodded "yes".  I was amazed that he actually missed me.  I took my food and sat by him at the table.  He proceeded to tell me all about his day with Uncle Shawn.

I felt astonished.  Jay-the Tin Man-has a heart that opened up to me.